Sunday, May 15, 2005

End of an Epoch

In the two plus years which I have been writing in this blog, it has always been very politically correct. The blog has been mostly about things that I am interested in or what we are doing. I am deviating from those themes today. Frankly, I am not sure how long the following tirade will stayed posted; I may decide to take it down and burn it electronically in the next week.

Today marks the end of an epoch. I made my last child support payment to my ex-wife. I feel like I have been making these payments for an eon. In reality, it has been almost 14 years.

When my ex-wife has a net worth of more than $3 million, it is hard for me to understand how the legal system has required me to make payments to her for all these years. This is a person that essentially has not worked in more than ten years and supported herself from her assets.

I have reached this point unhappy with my relationships with Drew and Morgan. While I feel like I did a pretty good job being engaged in their lives through the 1990's, the last four years have been somewhat of a train wreck. Jack's birth, the move to Elk Grove and some personal struggles resulted in me being less focused on the big kids during some important times in their lives. I am going to pay a heavy price for this for a long time to come.

While I accept a great deal of personal responsibility for state of affairs with the big kids, my ex-wife owns a piece. I talk often to the people who work for me about good faith efforts. This includes being honest with people, making your best effort and not saying one thing and doing another. When you look in the dictionary under bad faith efforts, you will find a picture of my ex-wife. She has done everything she could to make sharing the kids a struggle of biblical proportions. Everything has always been about her. My ex-wife has never considered what might be in the best interests of Drew or Morgan; only what is in her best interest. She is without a doubt the most selfish and self-centered person I have ever known.

I worry about how my ex-wife's view of the world has impacted Drew and Morgan. She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and believes that the world owes her. For most of us in the real world, it takes a lot of perseverance to keep our heads above water. My ex-wife has never demonstrated any persistence at anything.

I also worry about the impact on Drew and Morgan of the several dozen (3 dozen?) boyfriends that she has dragged through their lives. I am afraid that they will be very cynical about relationships.

In the immortal words of an eleven year old when I asked whether the guy I had just met was their mom's new boyfriend or some dude, "Dad, they are all just some dude..."

My ex-wife's plans to marry each of the last three boyfriends, including buying property with one of them, are astonishing! The havoc resulting from the real property purchase is unbelievable. This is one of Drew and Morgan's role models for how relationships work?

Having ranted about all of this, I am not someone who agonizes about the past. I focus on the different roads that can be chosen going forward. As this period of history passes, I recognize that there are likely to be different struggles in the coming age, but damn does it feel good to know that I do not have to write her another check!